Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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