I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
