She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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