Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
