Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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