I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Less talking, more tequila
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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