I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
