i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
