I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize