There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
