do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
