She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
