I accidentally burped into my bong.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
