she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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