friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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