I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
