I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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