I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
