therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
