Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
