I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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