Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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