hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
