The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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