They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
