I wish I could punch you in the face.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
