I accidentally had phone sex last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
