my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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