god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
