I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
