Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
