I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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