I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
