I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
