what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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