Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
