Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
