Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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