Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
