I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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