Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
