Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize