Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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