you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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