New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize