why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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