We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
