i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
