my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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