Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drunk is not a location!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We smell like vodka and hangover
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
