hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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