I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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