im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
