dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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