Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
