Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
is it fun? or sober?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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