he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
sarcasm needs its own font
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
