I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
