I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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