I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
