HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
