The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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