Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
