So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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