Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
