We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
