Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
