Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
