Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
