Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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