I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
