Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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