so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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