remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
They are going to name an STD after you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
